FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
