Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
