i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
