I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
