So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
barbara walters just said penis...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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