oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
