Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
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