Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
