Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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