No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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