Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
