I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
