SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
