I hate your face
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
