i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He felt like a one man threesome
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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