Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
