Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
