Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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