so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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