he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
