We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
