I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
