My Higher Power is John Stamos
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
