why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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