Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
