Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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