conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
should my penis look like a turkey
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I know her cup size but not her name....
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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