Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
