I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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