it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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