wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
