I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
is that a dick in a sweater?
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