sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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