if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
