I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
