8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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