He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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