I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
