She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
