i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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