Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
