youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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