I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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