So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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