I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
