I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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