I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
