I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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