it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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