I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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