doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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