I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
