So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
