I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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