you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
