We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
