well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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